So this post will focus on knowing when to use description and how to wield that awesome tool in your belt correctly to get the most bang for your literary buck. To do this I’m going to write an example of poor use of description, then contrast it with a better way to write that scene.
Josh wrapped his well worn hands around the brass doorknob blacken with age. Taking a deep trembling breath, he pushed open the door, the action causing a sharp momentary squeaking from the near hidden hinges. Drawing his eyebrows together he took a small step inside. Before he had made any really distance into the room a voice interrupted him coming from further inside the apartment.
“Hey Josh that you?” The voice sounded like it belonged to high pitched woman’s. It was attractive, almost musical. “What took you so long?”
His face falling slightly, Josh took a slightly larger step inside, then turned around to face the wall that hid the kitchen from sight. “Yeah I’m sorry, they were out of ice cream.”
Do you see the problem with this? None of the descriptions taken alone are peculiarly strange or oddly used, but they are unnecessary. In fact most of this description is unnecessary. There’s no reason to describe so much. This narrative is too busy. Every time you write a piece of description the reader will assume it’s important, important for setting the scene/mood or for plot reasons or to show what the character’s are feeling.
This scene doesn’t know what it’s saying. The scene is about how Josh wasn’t able to get ice cream for Mary and he’s slightly worried about how she will react. In this scene the descriptions draw your attention to the qualities of Mary’s voice, the squeak of the door, Josh’s worn hands and the aged door knob. None of these descriptions add to the scene, in fact they distract from it. Furthermore by using too much description for this scene, the tone doesn't match the content. It feels like he's about to tell her he just got her daughter killed, not that store was out of ice cream.
The human senses get thousands of input signals a second, but are people aware of every one? No of course not. If Josh is really worried about Mary being angry he’s going to notice the butterflies in stomach, he might notice things that remind him of his guilt, when he walks in he might notice the bowls she put out, or that she looks slight annoyed already. Of course what exactly he notices or doesn’t is going to be indicative of his personality, but the point remains, he notices things related to his thoughts, the ongoing mental story in his head. You, as the writer, have to be the mental filter for the reader, passing on relevant information to them (of course there is something as a unreliable narrator, but I’ll get into that in a different post).
And that filter is where your power as a descriptive storyteller lies. You can choose to leave out things because the character doesn’t notice them. You can describe the tiles of the floor to show the character is bored, or describe things that seem creepy about a house or a person to make the audience suspicious. Or you can throw in the occasional line to reveal the appearance of a main character or describe her new friends house in order to reveal something about that character. And especially useful, any descriptions will add to the tone of the novel, whether it’s meant to be creepy or light and fluffy.
The power to control what the audiences “sees” is a useful and necessary tool to have. But remember, the power to control what they don’t “see” can be just or even more useful.
So lets try that scene again.
Josh hesitated at the door a moment before he opened it. The living room was empty, but he could hear Mary in the kitchen and the sound of opening cabinets.
“Hey Josh that you?.” The noise stopped, her voice was raised slightly with annoyance. “What took you so long?’
Shifting slight, Josh spoke, almost wincing, “Yeah, I’m sorry. They were out of ice cream.”
Every writer is going to have the description level they're comfortable and that's fine. Just as long as you're aware of what you're trying to tell the audience with your description and how it affects your story.
Note: Obviously you want to give description of places and people, but general shorten it to a few sentences tops that capture the essences of a place or person and maybe a few details. You can also spread the description throughout a scene in relevant ways. (Be aware that a character would need a reason to describe something they see all the time. You can engage the setting, like have them put up a new poster. Really, this a good idea for any setting, it makes it come alive.)
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