Hot Topics: Purple Prose (Diction and Similes)

While the last section focused on over description, this section will focus on word choice (diction), and your choice of metaphors or similes. I know your inter-high-schooler just groaned, or if you’re still in high school you did, but it’s an important idea to understand especially to help you avoid purple prose.

So let’s get down to business, here’s my scene:

Josh halted the car, opening the weighty metal door with a wide swing like a baseball bat rushing towards its goal. He took one step out of the car, cowboy boots, deep sloth-brown in color and cracked like the surface of the Grand Canyon, hitting the hard earth. Frowning in a pinched manner, he looked across the wide oranged landscape, the hot desert breeze skating across the azure sky, cloudless like unmarred virgin. He couldn’t imagine how she could ever what to come to this nightmarish place.

Oh god, that might have been one of the most difficult things I’ve ever written and I didn’t even crack open the thesaurus. If you have to try as hard as I just did (which required me to stop writing what came naturally and think of the most “creative” way to word something) then your trying way too hard. That isn’t to say you shouldn’t try and spice up your descriptions, you should, but don’t think of it as a contest to show how amazingly wide your vocabulary is, or how unique or beautiful you can make your descriptions and similes. Your word choice should help set the scene and shouldn’t distract from the narrative, by that I mean the reader shouldn’t be confused or taken out of the story or be laughing at your descriptions. Descriptions are not the time to show off, especially not at the expense of the story.

Diction and metaphor/simile problems, perhaps more so then over describing, are what really call purple prose to the reader’s attention, but fixing these problems are all pretty similar. It’s about knowing how to use what description where. First one needs to look at the word on an individual level. Do you know what the word means? I mean really know what it means? Do you understand all it’s connotations? Do you use this word in real life? If you answered yes to these questions you're probably okay to use that world as more then likely it came to you without much thought, even if it was a replacement word for a boring original choice. But even if you do know what the word means you should still think about what that word is really saying in your sentence. Looking to my example above, a lot of people know what the word halted means, however in that sentence it’s weird. It implies Josh enacted his will upon the car, like a policeman would tell a criminal to halt.

Furthermore let's look at the similes in the example above. They’re weird! They don’t make any sense in the context of the scene. How does comparing the motion of an opening car door and a swinging bat help tell the reader anything about the scene? Now maybe if Josh was using the door as a weapon, that analogy would be more appropriate, but not in this scene. Moreover what do Grand Canyon boots tell us about the character? It’s a very strong metaphor to use on something as unimportant as the character's boots. And don’t even get me started on the virgin sky.

Your metaphors and similes should be appropriate for the tone of the scene/book, the time period it's set in and reveal a quality about what it's being compared to that otherwise would be hard to express in words. And moreover it's a powerful descriptive tool, so save it for a important, dynamic, or interesting moment. Not for boots. Keep these things in mind when using them.

So what’s overall my point? Well, the point is that the writer needs to think about how his descriptions fit into the overall tone and purpose of the scene. Do they reveal something about the character? Do they set the scene or set the mood? The best descriptions serve double duty. Of course description variation is a good thing, but that’s just the toppings on the cake. First and foremost the description should serve the story.



Oh and I almost forgot:

Josh stopped the car and with a hard push opened the door. Stepping out, he took a quick survey of his surroundings. He was in the middle of a desert, the scorched earth spreading infinitely in every direction. It was a desolate place. He couldn’t imagine why she would want to come here.